No Honor Among Thieves, or Storytellers
rating: +4+x

In a beautiful anomalous city in Wisconsin— It's a state.

In the United States, yes.

So, some Russians and Italians were talking, and even more Americans were watching. Unfortunately, many of these fine folks were about to die. Brutally. I'm about to tell you fine folks what happened, so listen the fuck up before I deconceptualize you. YES I CAN HR'ACT'AL'FR'ACK'N, FUCKING TRY ME!


So, the UIU guys started to close in, in the gangsters saw them. They were yelling and grabbing guns and shit, and the UIU guys ran at them. It was pretty hectic. So the gangsters are getting behind cover, and shooting back. It was REALLY getting hectic here. So one of the UIU guys is flanking around, by the way, he's a really nice guy, loves his daug— FINE, I'LL GET TO WHAT HAPPENED, JESUS.

So, he's flanking, right? And he's about to shoot the fuck out of them from behind, when, get this, this massive fucking monster of a mortal, the thing had to be 300 pounds, wait, have I bought the Dannel-Beast meat my wife asked for? Oh shit, I didn't. Fuck. So. He busts through the wall, screams, "I AM YOUR APOCALYPSE!" and smashes him. Fucking wild, amirite?

Yeah, well I didn't ask you Chr'Ick'a'La'La. What kind of name is that, anyway?

Oh yeah, I said it. Whatcha gonna do?

Oh fuck no no no I'm sorry, sorrrEEEE!

And so the big guy charges the UIU mortals, but he gets shrekt, (that’s some mortal terminology for you there), and he goes somewhere. Not sure where. And so they’re like fighting, right? It was epic. Then, this big-ass wolf, a really shaggy one, comes in and kills all of the UIU guys.

Yeah, that’s it.

No, I couldn’t find a better story, because this ones great!

Fuck you, you wouldn’t know a good story if it hit you in the ass! I know because one just did!

Yeah, the end was kinda anticlimatic, but sometimes things are in real stuff! If you’d let me just make up an ending, it’d be better, but noooo, it’s gotta be “a real story, about real struggle.” REALITY IS BORING.

Yeah, maybe I embellished some of it, but it made it better!

Fine. Pretty much none of it happened like I told it.

Fuck you.

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