Loaf 7

Make a 4th a transcript about political discourse between two opposing fruit candidates. Gets violent and candidates begin to fistfight. Fruit found with it is a kumquat.

rating: +1+x

An instance of SCP-XXXX

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Instances of SCP-XXXX are stored within 6 large crates placed within the Site-34 freezer. Crates of SCP-XXXX are visibly marked to prevent accidental consumption. Removed rinds of SCP-XXXX instances are to be similarly stored with SCP-XXXX instances to prevent damage. Writings produced by SCP-XXXX are to be transcribed and cataloged. Personnel found consuming SCP-XXXX will be subject to immediate disciplinary actions.

Description: SCP-XXXX collectively refers to a large quantity of various citrus fruit. This fruit has displayed a particularly slow decomposition rate, with instances completely ceasing decomposition when exposed to freezing temperatures. SCP-XXXX is physically identical to non-anomalous fruit until peeled. When peeled, the rind of the fruit will peel in one large piece, revealing the page of a fictional book or film transcript. All recorded writings within SCP-XXXX have shown a clear antagonist and protagonist within the work. If there is no clear protagonist or antagonist within the original story, SCP-XXXX will create an additional character within the story to fill this role. Edible portions within the fruits have been found to be non-anomalous and are safe to consume.

Writings produced by SCP-XXXX will have slight alterations from their original text, with characters being replaced by anthropomorphized fruits. Characters are described as humanoid, with featureless circular heads and abnormally pigmented skin. Character names will usually be derivatives of the fruit the character is based on, with protagonists and background characters becoming citrus fruits and antagonists becoming less acidic fruits. Due to this, writings will always depict the citrus fruit characters being morally superior over characters based on less acidic fruits. Scenes will always end with the protagonist killing the antagonist, with the protagonist being praised for defeating them.

Addendum: Included below are transcriptions of writings produced by SCP-XXXX for the purpose of determining the reason behind SCP-XXXX’s alterations.

Instance Species: Citrus reticulata 1

Original Source: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Chapter 12

Page Description: In the scene, Dorothy is being forced to work in the Wicked Witch's kitchen after being captured along with the Cowardly Lion. After several days of working, the Wicked Witch placed an invisible bar of iron in the center of the room. While walking across the kitchen, Dorothy tripped over the bar and lost one of her silver shoes. Before she could get her shoe, the Wicked Witch grabbed the shoe and put it on. Dorothy asks the Wicked Witch to return her shoe, but she refuses. Angered by this, Dorothy throws a bucket of water over the Wicked Witch, causing her to melt into a brown liquid.

Alterations: Dorothy is referred to as Orathy, and is described during her stay at the castle as having orange skin. The Wicked Witch is referred to as The Bitter Berry and is described as having blue skin and a small circular head. The scene proceeds as normal until Orathy loses her shoe. The conversation between the two characters is much more expressive than the novel, with The Bitter Berry regularly shouting expletives at Orathy and taunting her. Upon the argument's conclusion, Orathy takes a knife from one of the kitchen drawers and begins to eviscerate The Bitter Berry. SCP-XXXX describes how Orathy individually slices out The Bitter Berry's internal organs before throwing her body off of the castle balcony into a ravine. The scene ends with Orathy leaving the castle to find her missing companions.

Instance Species: Citrus × latifolia 2

Original Source: A transcript of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Scene 64

Original Page Description: Harry Potter discovers Professor Quirrell beneath the castle when his scar begins to hurt. Quirrell informs Harry that he was the one trying to kill Harry and that he needs the Sorcerer’s Stone from him. He forces Harry in front of The Mirror of Erised when Harry finds out the Stone is inside his pocket. Quirrell then reveals that he has Voldemort’s face living on the back of his head, who demands Harry to give them the Stone. Harry flees and is attacked by the pair when they begin to choke him. Harry reaches up and grabs Quirrell, which causes him and Voldemort to burn into ash. Voldemort’s face appears in the ash and flies through Harry, causing him to fall unconscious.

Alterations: Quirrell is not introduced and in his place is a man with red skin named Professor Gala. Harry, renamed named Limus, immediately confronts Gala about his activities. Gala defends his actions with selfish goals, claiming that he wants to become the headmaster of the school. He begins to berate Gala, eventually forcing him against The Mirror of Erised. Once Limus ceases talking, he takes the Sorcerer’s Stone from his pocket and smashes it into the mirror, breaking the two objects. This causes a massive explosion which results in the room collapsing, trapping Gala’s lower half beneath a pillar as Limus quickly escapes the explosion unharmed. SCP-XXXX then proceeds to describe Gala slowly burning to death in extreme detail until he finally falls unconscious.

Instance Species: Citrus × paradisi 3

Original Source: The Fox and The Grapes, #15 in the Perry Index

Page Description: In the story, a fox sees a bunch of grapes hanging from a tree above him that he wants. The fox jumped several times, each time trying to jump higher, but he was unable to reach the grapes. After the final attempt, the fox claimed that he no longer wanted the grapes because they were sour before walking away from the tree.

Alterations: The story begins by introducing the fox, describing it as having light yellow fur. Once the fox reaches the tree, it sees several small pale green humanoids hanging from a branch. The Fox addresses these as grapes and asks why they are in the tree. The grapes explain that they stay in the tree to say away from "horrible acidic sub-creatures like you." The fox becomes angry at this comment and attempts to jump up to the grapes, but fails. The grapes begin to insult the fox, with their insults becoming more vitriolic as the fox attempts to reach them. Finally, the fox walks across the forest and sprints towards the tree, jumping up and grabbing the grapes with its paws. The grapes land on the ground and begin screaming, begging the fox not to kill them. The story then begins to describe how the fox mutilates and kills each of the grapes. The story ends with the fox finally killing the last grape in the bunch before climbing into the tree and falling asleep.

Instance Species: Citrus japonica 4

Original Source: Unknown. SCP-XXXX instance appears to be a transcript of a political debate between two figures. For this reason, the writing within SCP-XXXX has been transcribed in its entirety.


The recording begins near the front of a large crowd. Shouting can be heard in the background. The camera is adjusted several times before leveling out.

The camera focuses on the area past the crowd. Behind them is a stage supporting two podiums. Behind one podium is an orange woman with a placard reading "Sasha Clements" and behind the second is a green man with a placard reading "James Waterson". The two appear to be arguing with each other.

James Watterson: Look, can we just drop this? We both know this is a failed defense on your part, in no way would that hold up in office.

Sasha Clements: As I said previously, you continue to deflect the question. Fine. We've already wasted enough time as it is. Next question, please?

A microphone is seen being pushed forward, past the crowd.

Voice: Hello, yes. I wanted to ask Mrs. Clements about her thoughts the book recently published by Charles Davocado. It presents the idea of the amount of citrus contained within some fruits may cause genetic deformities, especially in regards to mental capacity. The bo-

Sasha Clements: Of course I wouldn't believe such a ridiculous claim! Davocado has been a registered Non-Acidic for years now. I've personally seen him at anti-Citrus rallies within my own city.

James Waterson: And what does that change? Just because he's part of the scientific community doesn't mean he can't have political beliefs. Everyone should care about who is governing their lives.

Sasha Clements: I'm not saying that at all. I'm merely suggesting that his findings supporting his radical beliefs when no other scientist has been able to support or reproduce his claims seems a bit dubious to me.

James Waterson: Oh please. The Far Citrus has been anti-science for years now! Hell, you still believe in PH change!

Sasha Clements: Are you serious? PH change has been ruining this world for years now! Just last week 17 hundred different people were diagnosed with low PH levels. The death tolls of citrus fruits have been on the rise ever since 1987! If vitamin deficient idiots like you weren't trying to get ahold of the government we could have fixed this issue by now!

James Waterson: How? I've seen numerous arguments for this, but not one of you can produce a single solution! And where are you getting these statistics from you canker sore? Absolutely none of the statistics or tests done by neutral parties have produce results anywhere similar to that!

Sahsa Clements: Oh you son of a bitch!

Sasha Clements is seen running from her podium and over to James Waterson before punching him in the stomach. The two grab hold of each other and begin wrestling on the stage. The audience begins to yell, with multiple gunshots going off in the background. Several individuals are seen engaging in fistfights. A purple hand is seen coming from out of frame and impacting the camera, causing it to fall to the ground. After several painful shouts, the body of a red man falls to the ground, his face having endured multiple stab wounds.


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