God Has Left The Chat

I am the Archangel Michael. Technically it’s Michael, Protector and Defender of Israel and Heaven Above, Warrior of God in your English, and that’s cutting down on the all the epithets based off of particularly good kills and some other less important duties, like mopping the throne room once a month. I think the times I announced myself to European warrior kings or at least partially responsible for the length of their titles. Sorry. Anyway, I am currently failing at half of my proclaimed tasks, and I’m KINDA getting nervous here! Oh and the other half will probably soon follow because this is bullshit! All this is because, as you humans like to say in those ‘memes’, “God has left the chat.” His real name is □□□□, but I’ve given up trying to tell mortals that.¹ So, according to Gabriel, the last time they spoke, □□□□

Footnotes

1. I’m not sure why you mortals just stare blankly at me when I try to explain it. I’ve been meaning to ask □□□□ about it, but that doesn’t seem happening, does it? Kill me. I can’t be killed though. □□□□ I hate this shit