Item #: SCP-YYY
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description: SCP-YYY is an organisation referred to as the "Department of Emotion Procurement & Treasury". Not much is currently known about SCP-YYY, but they are believed to be issuing selling shares in mutual funds, either directly or through a third party. The commodity these funds are invested in are believed to be human emotions.
SCP-YYY was discovered during the infiltration of a Marshall, Carter and Dark auction held in Hong Kong on ██/██/██.
Addendum SCP-YYY-1: Transcript of audio recording of the Marshall, Carter and Dark auction SCP-YYY was discovered. Only sections pertinent to SCP-YYY have been included here. Speaker is PoI-9872, Maurice Hobbes, a known MC&D auctioneer.
"Now, I'm aware many of you have been waiting for our next lovely little items. Marshall, Carter and Dark are delighted to offer to you units in a variety of EPY funds. Due to last minute negotiations we have procured units in a third fund, in additional to the two detailed in your auction catalog.
For those unacquainted with our processes, the bidding on this item will occur as follows: we have a limited number of units in each fund to offer you. Using your electronic order book provided, please enter your offer price and the amount of units requested. The auction will be open for 5 minutes only, after which orders will be filled from highest offer price to low. Please be aware that we anticipate these items to be in high demand, and will thus not be filling orders below our ask price.
But, Ladies and Gentleman, I feel it's my duty to stress - if you're unacquainted with our processes, this may not be the item for you. This is most certainly not for the casual investor. [EH?]
muffled laughter from the audience[EH?]
First fund on offer ….
Our second offer to you - 90,000 units in a Guilt fund. Specifically, the guilt of family members of those who have taken their own lives within the last 12 months. Units are distributed across regions, and our ask price is 300¢ per unit. This fund is recommended for those looking for short to medium term profit, but may be unsuitable for the longer term investor.
Our final, last minute addition to tonight's catalog - 151,221 units of Regret. These units are entirely sourced from the population of Uppsala, Sweden. This is the first time the EPY have issued stock in a regional fund, and - oh, we will know we offering 151,223 units. Congratulations to Mrs. Näslund - she's had twins!
** a cheer comes from the back of the room, followed by laughter**
Yes, yes, very good. As I was saying, this is the first fund where units have been sourced by region, and is thus one of the more volatile funds on offer tonight - but where's the fun in playing it safe? The ask price is 189¢ per unit.
So those are the three funds on offer tonight. Please be aware the quoted prices are set by the EPY, and Marshall, Carter, and Dark will be charging a 0.5% commission fee on all purchases. The auction will begin…now! PoI-9872 bangs his gavel
Addendum SCP-YYY-1: Interview with PoI-9872, conducted by Dr. Fatimah Said.
INTRODUCTION FROM DOCTOR
PoI-9872: Time?
Dr Said: Excuse me?
PoI-9872: What's the time?
[21:49:40]: Dr Said: It's just turned 9:51
PoI-9872: Well, let's get this over with. Ask your questions, which item's caught your fancy this time?
*Dr Said sits down, across the table from PoI-9872*
SAID'S INITIAL QUESTIONS
Dr Said: You were observed on []/[]/[] at a Marshall, Carter, and Dark auction offering shares in a fund offered by……
PoI-9872: Something happens. That something evokes an emotion within someone - happiness, sadness, excitement. They fall in love, they start to hate. What the emotion is in unimportant. At least to us. What is important is that emotion will change with time. Sometimes it will grow stronger, sometimes by a fraction, other times exponentially. It may also fade, until it is weaker, or no longer there at all.
PoI-9872: There are things within this universe - and in others - which would pay great amounts to be able to have one person's tangible regret, one unit of regret for them to do with as they please. If that person's regret increases, there's more of it, there's more that can be done with that regret - it's in greater demand. Laws of the market dictate that the value of that unit goes…
*PoI-98762 raises his left index finger diagonally upwards in front of him*
Dr Said: How are emotions made tangible? What could they be used for?
PoI-9872: Well the former is a trade secret of the EPY, I don't think they'd be too happy with me spreading that around. As to the latter question, *PoI-9872 scoffs*, look around you, doctor. You have all kinds of items, both wondrous and monstrous - there's probably one in the room next to us. You're telling me you can't imagine what certain entities could do with an emotion as powerful as guilt? or regret?
PoI-9872 smirks
PoI-9872: I've seen people eat worse things.
Dr Said: *pauses* These emotions….when they're sold on for…consumption, how does that process take place? Take your final item from the auction - 150,000 people in Uppsala have *something* done to their feelings of regret. That's something we'd notice. That's something they'd notice.
PoI-9872: Well you don't have to eat everything at once! Goodness, it sounds like you have some appetite!
PoI-9872 coughs
PoI-9872: I'm afraid, Doctor, that I've mistimed our conversation. I do apologise. Whilst I would like to stay and chat I -
**PoI-9872 begins coughing violently mid sentence.
Bright, white light and smoke begins to erupt from PoI-9872's mouth and eyesockets. His head collapses in on itself, which then collapses down into his chest cavity. The rest of his body similarly collapses, seemingly losing any skeletal structure. A mass of flesh and clothing is left on the chair PoI-9872 was sat in.
Following discovery of SCP-YYY and the interview of PoI-9872, Dr Said was designated chief researcher for SCP-YYY. Two weeks after the interview, unconfirmed sightings of PoI-9872 were reported in Ärna Airport, Sweden.